Ch.1 -
She was the first one out of the jeep.
“You going to be okay, Lydia?” It was Scott who asked.
“Yeah, I can stay with you if you want,” Kira offered. Lydia didn’t stop to analyze how the new girl was pushing boundaries most newbies wouldn’t. Regardless of the fact that they’d nearly all lost their lives together multiple times in the last twenty-four hours.
She could feel Stiles watching her; she just barely evaded his gaze.
“I’ll be fine.” She forced a smile and raised her eyes to Scott’s and Kira’s concerned faces. “Really. All I need is a good night’s sleep.”
“You’ll need a lot more than that, Lydia.” Stiles spoke this time. A sense of wonder soared over her, not for the first time. She’d almost lost him. “We all will.” He gestured lightly to the two in the back seat. “You lost your best friend, your kind of boyfriend and you almost died in the clutches of a demonic spirit that looked like me.”
And you, she wanted to say. I almost lost you.
Everyone was silent for a long moment, letting the knowledge of all of that sink in. None of it was new information, but it was the first time it had been said out loud, that it had been acknowledge everybody.
Lydia fought the tears welling up in her eyes.
“I have to start somewhere. A good night’s sleep is better than nothing.”
She opened the door this time and made an effort to get out. When she finally made it securely to the ground she looked back at the solemn faces in the jeep. Stiles looked like he wanted to say something, but didn’t. His eyes told her all that she needed to know though. He wasn’t going to get a good night’s sleep tonight either, even if it probably would be a better sleep than he’d had in months.
She hesitated, but the words slipped out of their own accord, and she swore she was closer to tears than when she thought for any more than a second on the death of Allison.
“I’m really glad you’re okay, Stiles.” Her voice cracked. She wanted to say more but was both physically unable to do so without breaking down and sobbing endless tears, and also, they had a little bit of an audience. Anything else she would want to say to him would have to be done when they were alone. Tomorrow would be different. They would be gradually trying to recover and this moment would probably be gone.
So she turned away before he could say anything. It was too hard to deal with the intense and complex emotions thrumming through her right now. She shut the door to the jeep with some effort and turned to walk up her driveway.
…………
He watched her walk away and felt this incredible sadness fill him. So much had happened. So much loss and devastation, and he knew he’d carry the guilt of it for a long time, even if it hadn’t been his fault. He should’ve resisted somehow. He should have been stronger.
But the sadness he felt now had nothing to do with that. Watching Lydia walk away, so clearly not okay, twisted his insides in a way only she seemed capable of doing. When she was broken and he saw it, everything inside him longed to fix her. He yearned to make her happy, to stop her tears, which he was sure would break out the moment she closed her front door behind her. Maybe she would make it to her bedroom before they would burst.
Without taking his eyes off of her retreating form, he opened the jeep door and started to get out.
“I’ll be right back, okay?”
He didn’t wait for a response, just left. He knew Scott and Kira would be okay. They had each other, and he wouldn’t be gone for long. Maybe.
“Hey, Lydia! Lydia!” he called after her. The short distance between them seemed to take an eternity to cross, even if she was making no attempt to get away.
She stopped and turned to him, almost to her door.
“What is it, Stiles?”
He couldn’t speak for a second. Her eyes were already red with the tears that were streaming down her face.
He took her in his arms and held her. As if all her crying from seeing Aiden’s dead body on the ground had never happened, she sobbed in his arms. She told herself she’d hate that she succumbed so quickly to the comfort in his arms when he had been the one in harm’s way all night, but she needed the strength she found there. She had come to rely on him in away she’d never dreamed on relying on anyone. And she’d almost lost him. And that terrified her.
“It was awful,” she sniffled against him.
“I know,” he whispered, stroking her hair and pressing a light kiss to the top of her head. “He did the right thing in the end though. You have to believe that.”
She blinked and pulled away slightly.
“I’m not talking about Aiden.” Her voice cracked slightly again. She hoped she didn’t look angry, even though she was definitely frustrated. How could he not know that she was absolutely falling apart over him? The only moment during the entire night where she hadn’t left his side was when she had sensed Aiden’s death. And hardly a breath later Stiles had then been by her side, consoling her in the event of it.
He looked confused though, maybe afraid to come to the conclusion she was implying.
“Stiles, I almost lost you.” Her breathing became short breaths. “I don’t know what I’d do if—I almost—I can’t imagine…you were so—”
He cut her off be wrapping his arms back around her. Awed by her confession, he held her tightly and rocked a little to soothe her.
“Hey, it’s okay. I’m here now. I’m not going anywhere. I’m safe. You’re safe. We’re okay.”
She tried to let the words sink in, but all she could think about was the moment she vocally made known that she accepted his words, that they were true, he would leave and she would be alone in her room. And she would have nightmares about losing him all over again.
Minutes passed and he never let go. She wondered when he would. Surely he would not just stand there and wait for her to pull away, because she certainly wasn’t planning to. She was too emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted to even think about what boundaries could and shouldn’t be crossed at this point.
Finally she emerged from the feeling of wholeness and accepted that she wouldn’t be able to stand outside all night. Her first thought was that she should reassure him that she would be fine, that they would talk tomorrow, that he should see if his father was okay and that he should go home to him. All very good reasons for him to leave and for her to be super selfless in the wake of his desire.
But her selfish urges betrayed her again.
“Stiles…”
He looked down into her deep eyes, seeking only to comfort. He tucked a stray strand of strawberry blonde hair behind her ear and moved his thumb gently along the side of her face just beneath her ear on her jaw. He said nothing, but she knew he was only waiting for her. Waiting for her to the ask the question, whatever it might be. Because he knew she wasn’t all the way better. He just didn’t know which side of the line she would be on tonight.
“I don’t want you to go,” she breathed. The confession as blatant and bizarre as she knew it would be hung there in the air, waiting to be either rejected or embraced.
Stiles stared at her, unsure he had heard the words. All the very logical reasons he should leave – take Scott and Kira home, check up on his dad, other things he was sure – listed through his mine, advising them to be listened to. But for the moment, he ignored them. Because the love of his life was broken over almost having lost him and the only thing she was asking for…was him.
“Okay,” he said, not taking his eyes off her. “Okay, just, wait here. I have to tell Scott.”
Torn between letting him stay with her and telling him he should go home, or at least check on his dad, she could only stand there and watch his interactions with his best friend. From what she could tell, Scott was going to drive himself and Kira home and deliver the jeep back tomorrow. At least she guessed that was what was being arranged. At one point Stiles turned away, phone in hand, apparently talking to someone for what most have only been a span of less than five minutes.
Then he hugged Scott and Kira and waved them off, and returned to her.
“You’re really doing this?” Lydia finally managed. “You’re staying?”
The jeep drove off into the night.
He nodded. “Scott will get the jeep back to me sometime tomorrow, likely to pick me up for school. And I called the hospital. It’s chaos but my dad is okay. He actually never left the sheriff’s office, so that’s good. When I got a hold of him, he said wants me to go home and sleep. That he’ll see me tomorrow. I told him I was planning on sleeping elsewhere, and he’s come to the conclusion as long as it’s not in the middle of the woods and inside a house he’ll just see me in the morning.”
“That seems very…generous,” she said, doubtful that it was this easy. “Your dad was probably hurt tonight. I would think that you—”
“Lydia.” He set his hands on her shoulders and squeezed gently to get her attention. She fixed her gaze on his. “Are you okay?”
“I…I can manage.”
“Lydia.”
She opened her mouth and closed it. Nothing came out and she didn’t force it.
He nodded once. “Then I’m staying.”
She swallowed but nodded and turned back around, relief pouring over her when she felt his hand around her shoulder and the heat of his body warming her other side. He was no longer frigid and no longer limping. He was okay, and soon she would be too.
“There should be enough room for both of us on my bed,” she said quickly on entering her room. “If you don’t mind of course.”
“I can sleep on the floor,” he offered, even as he eyed the massive bed. She looked at him in disbelief. “Or a chair or something.”
She almost laughed. “Stiles, the only way I’m going to get any sleep tonight at all is if you’re right next to me.” She swallowed, wondering if she’d said too much, since shock was set on his surprised face.
“Oh.”
She shook her head. “There’s plenty of room anyway.” His silence continued and she wondered if he was simply processing the enormity of this or if she’d overstepped her bounds. “Look, if this is going to be awkward for you…”
“No. No-no-no-no, not awkward at all.” He shook his head and then half-nodded, and she relaxed. He was getting back to his old casual, stuttering self whenever she pinned him with a personal question regarding her.
“Ok, well, I’m going to change. If you’ve changed your mind before I get back, you don’t have to sleep on the bed.”
He paused, wondering if she was suggesting a worse alternative for him. By the time he decided he couldn’t figure it out, she was in the bathroom, presumably changing. He slipped out of his shoes and unbuttoned shirt. Not daring to take anything else off he started for the bed. Further wondering if it was safe to go under the covers, he just stood and stared at the looming bed for awhile. He swallowed, trying to imagine himself inside it with Lydia. His heart squeezed just at the image of it in his mind.
“Stiles?”
He turned and saw her, wearing an extra large t-shirt and some cotton pajama pants. He was baffled by it briefly since the last time he’d seen her night time attire it had been in the form of a silky, sexy little nightie. Then it occurred to him how inappropriate that might be under the circumstances. She was still so desirable though. He should probably be grateful she wasn’t wearing something bearing more skin.
“Ye—” his voice squeaked. “Yes?”
She walked towards him and then looked at the bed.
“Is it okay if we sleep under the covers?”
The words dazed him. Despite everything, this moment was very surreal.
He couldn’t help himself, so he asked the pending question, “Lydia, is this really what you want?”
The disbelief in his voice solidified the questioning thoughts that had nearly consumed her in the bathroom. She moved just past him and turned back the covers. Then she grabbed his hand and led him to the bed. She crawled onto the bed and buried herself beneath the covers on the far side. Then she held out her hand to him again, briefly tightening in fear when he didn’t move.
“Please,” she whispered.
He gulped and took her hand, climbing into the bed and wrapping the covers over his body. Lydia switched off her lamp and the whole room went dark. She could hear his labored breathing and wondered if she’d gone too far. She yearned to be close to him but perhaps this was one of those lines she wasn’t supposed to cross. She laid her head on her pillow and tried to relax.
“Do you really want to be here, Stiles?” she asked into the darkness.
It was a moment too long, as far as she was concerned, but finally he answered.
“I really want to be here, Lydia.”
She was still tense, but she let herself cross that boundary. She invaded his space and snuggled up against him, tucking herself into his side. She waited for some sort of rejection or clear comment of awkwardness, but instead his arm wrapped around hers and pulled her somehow closer. He kissed the top of her head again.
“Goodnight, Lydia,” he murmured.
She sighed in relief with a soaring sense of contentment washing over her. It was going to be okay.
“Goodnight, Stiles.”
“You going to be okay, Lydia?” It was Scott who asked.
“Yeah, I can stay with you if you want,” Kira offered. Lydia didn’t stop to analyze how the new girl was pushing boundaries most newbies wouldn’t. Regardless of the fact that they’d nearly all lost their lives together multiple times in the last twenty-four hours.
She could feel Stiles watching her; she just barely evaded his gaze.
“I’ll be fine.” She forced a smile and raised her eyes to Scott’s and Kira’s concerned faces. “Really. All I need is a good night’s sleep.”
“You’ll need a lot more than that, Lydia.” Stiles spoke this time. A sense of wonder soared over her, not for the first time. She’d almost lost him. “We all will.” He gestured lightly to the two in the back seat. “You lost your best friend, your kind of boyfriend and you almost died in the clutches of a demonic spirit that looked like me.”
And you, she wanted to say. I almost lost you.
Everyone was silent for a long moment, letting the knowledge of all of that sink in. None of it was new information, but it was the first time it had been said out loud, that it had been acknowledge everybody.
Lydia fought the tears welling up in her eyes.
“I have to start somewhere. A good night’s sleep is better than nothing.”
She opened the door this time and made an effort to get out. When she finally made it securely to the ground she looked back at the solemn faces in the jeep. Stiles looked like he wanted to say something, but didn’t. His eyes told her all that she needed to know though. He wasn’t going to get a good night’s sleep tonight either, even if it probably would be a better sleep than he’d had in months.
She hesitated, but the words slipped out of their own accord, and she swore she was closer to tears than when she thought for any more than a second on the death of Allison.
“I’m really glad you’re okay, Stiles.” Her voice cracked. She wanted to say more but was both physically unable to do so without breaking down and sobbing endless tears, and also, they had a little bit of an audience. Anything else she would want to say to him would have to be done when they were alone. Tomorrow would be different. They would be gradually trying to recover and this moment would probably be gone.
So she turned away before he could say anything. It was too hard to deal with the intense and complex emotions thrumming through her right now. She shut the door to the jeep with some effort and turned to walk up her driveway.
…………
He watched her walk away and felt this incredible sadness fill him. So much had happened. So much loss and devastation, and he knew he’d carry the guilt of it for a long time, even if it hadn’t been his fault. He should’ve resisted somehow. He should have been stronger.
But the sadness he felt now had nothing to do with that. Watching Lydia walk away, so clearly not okay, twisted his insides in a way only she seemed capable of doing. When she was broken and he saw it, everything inside him longed to fix her. He yearned to make her happy, to stop her tears, which he was sure would break out the moment she closed her front door behind her. Maybe she would make it to her bedroom before they would burst.
Without taking his eyes off of her retreating form, he opened the jeep door and started to get out.
“I’ll be right back, okay?”
He didn’t wait for a response, just left. He knew Scott and Kira would be okay. They had each other, and he wouldn’t be gone for long. Maybe.
“Hey, Lydia! Lydia!” he called after her. The short distance between them seemed to take an eternity to cross, even if she was making no attempt to get away.
She stopped and turned to him, almost to her door.
“What is it, Stiles?”
He couldn’t speak for a second. Her eyes were already red with the tears that were streaming down her face.
He took her in his arms and held her. As if all her crying from seeing Aiden’s dead body on the ground had never happened, she sobbed in his arms. She told herself she’d hate that she succumbed so quickly to the comfort in his arms when he had been the one in harm’s way all night, but she needed the strength she found there. She had come to rely on him in away she’d never dreamed on relying on anyone. And she’d almost lost him. And that terrified her.
“It was awful,” she sniffled against him.
“I know,” he whispered, stroking her hair and pressing a light kiss to the top of her head. “He did the right thing in the end though. You have to believe that.”
She blinked and pulled away slightly.
“I’m not talking about Aiden.” Her voice cracked slightly again. She hoped she didn’t look angry, even though she was definitely frustrated. How could he not know that she was absolutely falling apart over him? The only moment during the entire night where she hadn’t left his side was when she had sensed Aiden’s death. And hardly a breath later Stiles had then been by her side, consoling her in the event of it.
He looked confused though, maybe afraid to come to the conclusion she was implying.
“Stiles, I almost lost you.” Her breathing became short breaths. “I don’t know what I’d do if—I almost—I can’t imagine…you were so—”
He cut her off be wrapping his arms back around her. Awed by her confession, he held her tightly and rocked a little to soothe her.
“Hey, it’s okay. I’m here now. I’m not going anywhere. I’m safe. You’re safe. We’re okay.”
She tried to let the words sink in, but all she could think about was the moment she vocally made known that she accepted his words, that they were true, he would leave and she would be alone in her room. And she would have nightmares about losing him all over again.
Minutes passed and he never let go. She wondered when he would. Surely he would not just stand there and wait for her to pull away, because she certainly wasn’t planning to. She was too emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted to even think about what boundaries could and shouldn’t be crossed at this point.
Finally she emerged from the feeling of wholeness and accepted that she wouldn’t be able to stand outside all night. Her first thought was that she should reassure him that she would be fine, that they would talk tomorrow, that he should see if his father was okay and that he should go home to him. All very good reasons for him to leave and for her to be super selfless in the wake of his desire.
But her selfish urges betrayed her again.
“Stiles…”
He looked down into her deep eyes, seeking only to comfort. He tucked a stray strand of strawberry blonde hair behind her ear and moved his thumb gently along the side of her face just beneath her ear on her jaw. He said nothing, but she knew he was only waiting for her. Waiting for her to the ask the question, whatever it might be. Because he knew she wasn’t all the way better. He just didn’t know which side of the line she would be on tonight.
“I don’t want you to go,” she breathed. The confession as blatant and bizarre as she knew it would be hung there in the air, waiting to be either rejected or embraced.
Stiles stared at her, unsure he had heard the words. All the very logical reasons he should leave – take Scott and Kira home, check up on his dad, other things he was sure – listed through his mine, advising them to be listened to. But for the moment, he ignored them. Because the love of his life was broken over almost having lost him and the only thing she was asking for…was him.
“Okay,” he said, not taking his eyes off her. “Okay, just, wait here. I have to tell Scott.”
Torn between letting him stay with her and telling him he should go home, or at least check on his dad, she could only stand there and watch his interactions with his best friend. From what she could tell, Scott was going to drive himself and Kira home and deliver the jeep back tomorrow. At least she guessed that was what was being arranged. At one point Stiles turned away, phone in hand, apparently talking to someone for what most have only been a span of less than five minutes.
Then he hugged Scott and Kira and waved them off, and returned to her.
“You’re really doing this?” Lydia finally managed. “You’re staying?”
The jeep drove off into the night.
He nodded. “Scott will get the jeep back to me sometime tomorrow, likely to pick me up for school. And I called the hospital. It’s chaos but my dad is okay. He actually never left the sheriff’s office, so that’s good. When I got a hold of him, he said wants me to go home and sleep. That he’ll see me tomorrow. I told him I was planning on sleeping elsewhere, and he’s come to the conclusion as long as it’s not in the middle of the woods and inside a house he’ll just see me in the morning.”
“That seems very…generous,” she said, doubtful that it was this easy. “Your dad was probably hurt tonight. I would think that you—”
“Lydia.” He set his hands on her shoulders and squeezed gently to get her attention. She fixed her gaze on his. “Are you okay?”
“I…I can manage.”
“Lydia.”
She opened her mouth and closed it. Nothing came out and she didn’t force it.
He nodded once. “Then I’m staying.”
She swallowed but nodded and turned back around, relief pouring over her when she felt his hand around her shoulder and the heat of his body warming her other side. He was no longer frigid and no longer limping. He was okay, and soon she would be too.
“There should be enough room for both of us on my bed,” she said quickly on entering her room. “If you don’t mind of course.”
“I can sleep on the floor,” he offered, even as he eyed the massive bed. She looked at him in disbelief. “Or a chair or something.”
She almost laughed. “Stiles, the only way I’m going to get any sleep tonight at all is if you’re right next to me.” She swallowed, wondering if she’d said too much, since shock was set on his surprised face.
“Oh.”
She shook her head. “There’s plenty of room anyway.” His silence continued and she wondered if he was simply processing the enormity of this or if she’d overstepped her bounds. “Look, if this is going to be awkward for you…”
“No. No-no-no-no, not awkward at all.” He shook his head and then half-nodded, and she relaxed. He was getting back to his old casual, stuttering self whenever she pinned him with a personal question regarding her.
“Ok, well, I’m going to change. If you’ve changed your mind before I get back, you don’t have to sleep on the bed.”
He paused, wondering if she was suggesting a worse alternative for him. By the time he decided he couldn’t figure it out, she was in the bathroom, presumably changing. He slipped out of his shoes and unbuttoned shirt. Not daring to take anything else off he started for the bed. Further wondering if it was safe to go under the covers, he just stood and stared at the looming bed for awhile. He swallowed, trying to imagine himself inside it with Lydia. His heart squeezed just at the image of it in his mind.
“Stiles?”
He turned and saw her, wearing an extra large t-shirt and some cotton pajama pants. He was baffled by it briefly since the last time he’d seen her night time attire it had been in the form of a silky, sexy little nightie. Then it occurred to him how inappropriate that might be under the circumstances. She was still so desirable though. He should probably be grateful she wasn’t wearing something bearing more skin.
“Ye—” his voice squeaked. “Yes?”
She walked towards him and then looked at the bed.
“Is it okay if we sleep under the covers?”
The words dazed him. Despite everything, this moment was very surreal.
He couldn’t help himself, so he asked the pending question, “Lydia, is this really what you want?”
The disbelief in his voice solidified the questioning thoughts that had nearly consumed her in the bathroom. She moved just past him and turned back the covers. Then she grabbed his hand and led him to the bed. She crawled onto the bed and buried herself beneath the covers on the far side. Then she held out her hand to him again, briefly tightening in fear when he didn’t move.
“Please,” she whispered.
He gulped and took her hand, climbing into the bed and wrapping the covers over his body. Lydia switched off her lamp and the whole room went dark. She could hear his labored breathing and wondered if she’d gone too far. She yearned to be close to him but perhaps this was one of those lines she wasn’t supposed to cross. She laid her head on her pillow and tried to relax.
“Do you really want to be here, Stiles?” she asked into the darkness.
It was a moment too long, as far as she was concerned, but finally he answered.
“I really want to be here, Lydia.”
She was still tense, but she let herself cross that boundary. She invaded his space and snuggled up against him, tucking herself into his side. She waited for some sort of rejection or clear comment of awkwardness, but instead his arm wrapped around hers and pulled her somehow closer. He kissed the top of her head again.
“Goodnight, Lydia,” he murmured.
She sighed in relief with a soaring sense of contentment washing over her. It was going to be okay.
“Goodnight, Stiles.”
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Continue to Chapter 2
Continue to Chapter 2