Ch. 1 - Never In Love
It had been a week – maybe – since Jared had taken Jamie and me under his wing. The abandoned trailer he took us to in the middle of the grassy wild lands was somewhat close quarters, but the beautiful surroundings and Jamie’s changed behavior made it all worth it. I hadn’t seen my brother acting this relaxed, this at ease, this acting his age and not forty years more since before we went on the run. He was also warming up to Jared quickly. So was I.
It happened with the little things. Brushing past Jared in the tiny kitchen when I was reaching for a cup and he was trying to get to the refrigerator he’d someone managed to run by an inner generator. Then again when I would open the bathroom door and catch his laughing gaze in the mirror as he brushed his teeth. Still again when I would lie in the shade of the trees in the grass and he would come lie beside me, his elbow brushing mine. I felt the ripples in every part of my body. Like fire, the match struck every time he touched me. He was electric.
If this was only one week with him, and the time before we were taken was boundless, for months or even years, maybe, I would surely die. My feelings grew for him more and more every day. My hormones were raging and my heart was thumping wildly. My stomach exploded with butterflies whenever Jared so much as glanced in my direction. It didn’t help he was around me all the time. Jamie was the only buffer between us, and the constant reminder of common sense.
Cool it, Melanie, I scolded myself day in and day out. He probably doesn’t feel the same way, so get a hold of yourself. You’re lucky to be alive.
…
The next morning – day eight of Jared in mine and Jamie’s lives – I woke up to the smell of eggs and bacon and remembered another reason I was so very fond of Jared: the man could cook. It was beyond me how he’d managed to make such technology possible…a mini-fridge, running water, some type of plumbing, possible, here in the wilderness. But I didn’t ask too many questions. I was just so grateful. Someday I would ask. For now I just stared on in awe and accepted it. I knew he was aware of my curiosity, but also my resistance to give in to the temptation of interrogation. It made him smile. I loved that smile. It made me feel warm and fuzzy all over in the best possible way.
Here again he smiled at me as I made my way out of the little shut off bedroom he’d insisted I sleep in. It occurred to me belatedly that my hair might look a little disheveled. Jamie’s fit of giggles confirmed that fact, but Jared didn’t say a word. Still, the realization made me blush a little. As subtly as possible, I turned ever so slightly so neither male could see the red that flushed my face and left me feeling so warm I wished I could flee back to the bedroom I’d just moments ago walked out of.
“Smells delicious,” I mumbled, scooting into the circular booth besides Jamie. Barely a beat later, Jared was there dishing out eggs, bacon and questionable-looking kiwi that tasted incredible with his fresh-squeezed orange juice.
“I aim to please,” he said, flashing a smile in both my and Jamie’s direction. This time I managed to keep my blush at bay.
“Tastes good too,” Jamie piped up around a mouth full of eggs. I turned and glared at him, because for god’s sake, he’d nine going on ten, not two. No matter how hungry or end of the world things had become, the boy could afford to chew with his mouth closed.
It wasn’t until I had my own forkful of food halfway to my mouth that I became aware of the amused look on Jared’s face due to my very mommy behavior. I forced myself to keep from turning red again. It was happening far too often around him.
Just as I was allowing myself to relax into the pleasant domestic scene, I felt a foot glide over mine and for about a millisecond I nearly panicked; until I realized it was Jamie’s foot and relaxed. Because, why in the world would Jared be playing footsie with me? The mere thought nearly made me blush again.
Jared froze beside me and I knew that foot had gone a little too far. His hand pouring orange juice into his glass halted, and I closed my eyes as he shifted his to Jamie’s cheerful gaze across the table.
“Are you playing footsie with me, dude?”
I opened one eye, expecting to see my dear brother shocked and horrified by what I assumed was his unintended target. Instead I found the victorious, mischievous grin I thought had completely vanished from him during our time on the run.
“Can we go swimming today?” he asked, as if nothing out of the ordinary had just happened under the table.
Jared finished pouring his orange juice, set down the pitcher and then leaned forward, smiling as he always seemed to do.
“What makes you think there’s a watering hole around here, kid?”
“Well, isn’t there?” Jamie countered. I almost laughed.
Jared looked contemplative for a moment longer but then he laughed quite suddenly and the ripple effect traveled to both Jamie and me. He nodded finally, acknowledging the fact.
“About a mile away.” He forked up some eggs and chewed as he talked, winking at me in a way I wasn’t sure signaled rebellious triumph or mere friendliness. Either way I would have nothing but my sister trump card to keep Jamie from chewing his food the same way in the future.
“You think you can walk that far?” he asked Jamie, then turned to look at me. “Will you go swimming, Mel?” He nudged me and our eyes locked. I still hadn’t gotten used to him calling me Mel, but I sure loved to hear it. I was very close to calling him Jar in response.
It took me a second to even realize I needed to answer him, because a visual flashed before my eyes of him shirtless in just his swimming trunks. My mouth opened but no words emerged.
“Of course she will!” Jamie answered for me, shattering the trance I’d fallen under. “Melanie loves to swim. She was on the swim team back before…” he stopped mid-sentence.
“The swim team, huh?” Jared quickly put in and I was grateful for it. Jamie had practically been bubbling with youthfulness in recent days. I didn’t want that to go away just as soon as it had arrived. He deserved to be a real kid again.
“That was a long time ago, Jamie,” I said, not wanting to boast, and not wanting to think about it to be honest. It reminded me of when dad was taken; and then all the memories of when he’d almost found us again as someone else.
“Only two years,” Jamie said stubbornly. He switched his attention to Jared. “When she was fifteen.”
I closed my eyes and just barely withheld my groan. I knew what was coming now. It was inevitable.
“Fifteen,” Jared repeated neutrally. “That would make you seventeen now then, wouldn’t it?” He turned ever so slightly in my direction.
I nodded and swallowed.
Jamie, oblivious to the damage he’d caused, piped in again, my ever constant representative when my tongue and lips refused to cooperate and my mind simply didn’t want to.
“Yep,” he said. “How old are you, Jared?”
No, I wanted to scream. No, no, no, no, no!
“Twenty-six,” Jared finally said, and I could feel him getting distant.
Jamie’s jaw dropped.
“That’s almost thirty!” he proclaimed.
“Thanks for the reminder,” Jared spat, but it was full of teasing laughter. To my own ears it sounded nervous though, like he was embarrassed. Shortly after Jamie howled in pain and clutched at his shin beneath the table. The action should’ve lifted the mood a little, but for me there was only this sinking feeling of depression, like all of my secret dreams had suddenly dissolved and would only remain hopelessly trapped in my subconscious mind.
It was all over. I was head over heels after only a week in his presence. I didn’t know how Jared might have felt before this conversation, but I knew how he felt now and the pain that arced through me was unbearable. I had been demoted from equal status to kid status in his mind. If he’d had more than friendly feelings for me before, he was probably beating himself up for them now; which meant there would never be any possibility for us in the future.
What annoyed me further was that even for the present day’s activities, a trip to a before unseen swimming hole, I knew he would already going to alter shirtlessness to definitely wearing at least a t-shirt because I would be in his presence. Disgusted, my next course of action was obvious.
“I think I’m going to hang back here, guys. Let you do some male bonding down at the water hole. As Jamie has just pointed out, I’ve had more than enough swimming experience to last me a life time.”
Jared opened his mouth to speak, as if he knew exactly where my sudden resistance had come from. I suspected he did, but I trudged on, determined to shut down any argument he might come up with.
“Besides, you know how to swim, right, Jared?” I asked, looking at him with wide eyes.
His eyes narrowed.
“Yeah…but-”
“So does Jamie.” I turned back to my brother who was now finally bordering on getting clued into my too cheery mood as questionably genuine. “You guys will be fine on your own. You don’t need me.”
Jared stared me down for a few extra seconds; so, I added in for good measure, “I’ve got a really bad headache anyway. I don’t think I can make the hike."
Somehow his eyebrows narrowed further, but a beat later they softened some in concern. Not wanting both boys on my back for whatever Jared might decide to say next, I ushered Jamie away from the table to get ready for his swim. Reluctantly, and warily, he went. When he was safely far enough away, Jared finally spoke. His voice was low and the closest to angry I’d heard since he’d threatened to kill me when we first met.
“What if something happens while we’re gone?” He asked.
I blinked, not expecting that question.
“To me?” I asked, suddenly understanding. I tried, and failed, to hide my surprise.
“Yeah,” he said bluntly. “Who’s going to protect you when I’m a mile away at the watering hold with Jamie?”
He took my hand and ran his thumb over the top. Under normal circumstances the action would’ve given me delicious shivers, but now his concern pissed me off. I ripped my hand away.
“I’m not an invalid,” I said, sliding around the booth to the other side so I could make a quick escape if need be.
“I know that,” he said, his eyes still narrowed dangerously and finding no humor in my sliding away from him. Just as well because I would’ve likely stomped on his foot if he so much as smiled right then.
“I’ve been taking care of myself for a long time; been taking care of Jamie too, in case you hadn’t noticed. Who knows if he would’ve been taken by now if I hadn’t worked so hard to keep him safe? I made sure he had a safe, dry place to sleep at night. I managed to get food and keep us out of sight and on the move so we could stay alive in this godforsaken world.”
“I know,” he said. His voice was level now in a way that should’ve been able to override my rising temper but somehow didn’t. I realized I was breathing harder. It took an effort but I forced myself to relax a little in the booth across from him. I was so close to bolting.
“It’s what impressed me most about you when we first met,” he continued. “How you were able to do all those things-”
“For someone of my age, you mean?” I burst before I could stop myself.
His brows furrowed.
“For someone of any age,” he said, sounding confused. I saw exactly when the light went on in his head because he shifted in his seat. “Wait, is that what’s really bothering you? Not a headache. You think I think less of you now that I know you’re only seventeen?”
Damn. Walked right into that one.
Irritated, I tried to find a way out of the situation before the little control I still maintained went completely out the window. I was too impulsive. This whole conversation probably proved to him just how very young (and likely immature) I was. It disgusted me. The ‘only’ in his query bothered me most.
“I saw your reaction to Jamie telling you how old I was,” I said, determined to be as honest as possible, while not letting too much of my flaming rage and piercing hurt come through. “I could feel you pulling yourself away. Whatever potentially high esteem you held me in before when you likely considered us equals isn’t how you see us now. You’ve put me in the kid category for the simple fact that I’m only not only under twenty, but legally speaking, a minor as well.”
He sank back into the booth, clearly torn with how to proceed. That told me oh so well how very right I was in my deductions.
He opened his mouth three times before finally getting some words out.
“I don’t think any less of you now than I did before. Your being seventeen doesn’t change that, Mel.”
I scoffed and glared at him. I hated how sincere he sounded.
“Melanie,” I emphasized. “You haven’t known me long enough to get away will calling me ‘Mel’.”
His jaw clenched, but he nodded brusquely.
“Alright. Melanie.”
Annoyed with the lingering silence and the fact that he actually was not going to try to win me over anymore, I finally slid out of the booth and stood up.
“I don’t want you ruining Jamie’s day by staying here just because you think I might get taken. I trust you with him and I need you to trust me to take care of myself. As long as I know my brother’s in safe hands that’s all I care about.”
I knew I’d look like a melodramatic drama queen by stomping off, so I walked as normally as possible. He didn’t say anything as I left and that made the pain finally truly take over. I was mad as hell but I was also heartbroken. I’d never come remotely close to falling in love before, never been kissed. And now, what could have been the great love of my life was over before it even began.
It happened with the little things. Brushing past Jared in the tiny kitchen when I was reaching for a cup and he was trying to get to the refrigerator he’d someone managed to run by an inner generator. Then again when I would open the bathroom door and catch his laughing gaze in the mirror as he brushed his teeth. Still again when I would lie in the shade of the trees in the grass and he would come lie beside me, his elbow brushing mine. I felt the ripples in every part of my body. Like fire, the match struck every time he touched me. He was electric.
If this was only one week with him, and the time before we were taken was boundless, for months or even years, maybe, I would surely die. My feelings grew for him more and more every day. My hormones were raging and my heart was thumping wildly. My stomach exploded with butterflies whenever Jared so much as glanced in my direction. It didn’t help he was around me all the time. Jamie was the only buffer between us, and the constant reminder of common sense.
Cool it, Melanie, I scolded myself day in and day out. He probably doesn’t feel the same way, so get a hold of yourself. You’re lucky to be alive.
…
The next morning – day eight of Jared in mine and Jamie’s lives – I woke up to the smell of eggs and bacon and remembered another reason I was so very fond of Jared: the man could cook. It was beyond me how he’d managed to make such technology possible…a mini-fridge, running water, some type of plumbing, possible, here in the wilderness. But I didn’t ask too many questions. I was just so grateful. Someday I would ask. For now I just stared on in awe and accepted it. I knew he was aware of my curiosity, but also my resistance to give in to the temptation of interrogation. It made him smile. I loved that smile. It made me feel warm and fuzzy all over in the best possible way.
Here again he smiled at me as I made my way out of the little shut off bedroom he’d insisted I sleep in. It occurred to me belatedly that my hair might look a little disheveled. Jamie’s fit of giggles confirmed that fact, but Jared didn’t say a word. Still, the realization made me blush a little. As subtly as possible, I turned ever so slightly so neither male could see the red that flushed my face and left me feeling so warm I wished I could flee back to the bedroom I’d just moments ago walked out of.
“Smells delicious,” I mumbled, scooting into the circular booth besides Jamie. Barely a beat later, Jared was there dishing out eggs, bacon and questionable-looking kiwi that tasted incredible with his fresh-squeezed orange juice.
“I aim to please,” he said, flashing a smile in both my and Jamie’s direction. This time I managed to keep my blush at bay.
“Tastes good too,” Jamie piped up around a mouth full of eggs. I turned and glared at him, because for god’s sake, he’d nine going on ten, not two. No matter how hungry or end of the world things had become, the boy could afford to chew with his mouth closed.
It wasn’t until I had my own forkful of food halfway to my mouth that I became aware of the amused look on Jared’s face due to my very mommy behavior. I forced myself to keep from turning red again. It was happening far too often around him.
Just as I was allowing myself to relax into the pleasant domestic scene, I felt a foot glide over mine and for about a millisecond I nearly panicked; until I realized it was Jamie’s foot and relaxed. Because, why in the world would Jared be playing footsie with me? The mere thought nearly made me blush again.
Jared froze beside me and I knew that foot had gone a little too far. His hand pouring orange juice into his glass halted, and I closed my eyes as he shifted his to Jamie’s cheerful gaze across the table.
“Are you playing footsie with me, dude?”
I opened one eye, expecting to see my dear brother shocked and horrified by what I assumed was his unintended target. Instead I found the victorious, mischievous grin I thought had completely vanished from him during our time on the run.
“Can we go swimming today?” he asked, as if nothing out of the ordinary had just happened under the table.
Jared finished pouring his orange juice, set down the pitcher and then leaned forward, smiling as he always seemed to do.
“What makes you think there’s a watering hole around here, kid?”
“Well, isn’t there?” Jamie countered. I almost laughed.
Jared looked contemplative for a moment longer but then he laughed quite suddenly and the ripple effect traveled to both Jamie and me. He nodded finally, acknowledging the fact.
“About a mile away.” He forked up some eggs and chewed as he talked, winking at me in a way I wasn’t sure signaled rebellious triumph or mere friendliness. Either way I would have nothing but my sister trump card to keep Jamie from chewing his food the same way in the future.
“You think you can walk that far?” he asked Jamie, then turned to look at me. “Will you go swimming, Mel?” He nudged me and our eyes locked. I still hadn’t gotten used to him calling me Mel, but I sure loved to hear it. I was very close to calling him Jar in response.
It took me a second to even realize I needed to answer him, because a visual flashed before my eyes of him shirtless in just his swimming trunks. My mouth opened but no words emerged.
“Of course she will!” Jamie answered for me, shattering the trance I’d fallen under. “Melanie loves to swim. She was on the swim team back before…” he stopped mid-sentence.
“The swim team, huh?” Jared quickly put in and I was grateful for it. Jamie had practically been bubbling with youthfulness in recent days. I didn’t want that to go away just as soon as it had arrived. He deserved to be a real kid again.
“That was a long time ago, Jamie,” I said, not wanting to boast, and not wanting to think about it to be honest. It reminded me of when dad was taken; and then all the memories of when he’d almost found us again as someone else.
“Only two years,” Jamie said stubbornly. He switched his attention to Jared. “When she was fifteen.”
I closed my eyes and just barely withheld my groan. I knew what was coming now. It was inevitable.
“Fifteen,” Jared repeated neutrally. “That would make you seventeen now then, wouldn’t it?” He turned ever so slightly in my direction.
I nodded and swallowed.
Jamie, oblivious to the damage he’d caused, piped in again, my ever constant representative when my tongue and lips refused to cooperate and my mind simply didn’t want to.
“Yep,” he said. “How old are you, Jared?”
No, I wanted to scream. No, no, no, no, no!
“Twenty-six,” Jared finally said, and I could feel him getting distant.
Jamie’s jaw dropped.
“That’s almost thirty!” he proclaimed.
“Thanks for the reminder,” Jared spat, but it was full of teasing laughter. To my own ears it sounded nervous though, like he was embarrassed. Shortly after Jamie howled in pain and clutched at his shin beneath the table. The action should’ve lifted the mood a little, but for me there was only this sinking feeling of depression, like all of my secret dreams had suddenly dissolved and would only remain hopelessly trapped in my subconscious mind.
It was all over. I was head over heels after only a week in his presence. I didn’t know how Jared might have felt before this conversation, but I knew how he felt now and the pain that arced through me was unbearable. I had been demoted from equal status to kid status in his mind. If he’d had more than friendly feelings for me before, he was probably beating himself up for them now; which meant there would never be any possibility for us in the future.
What annoyed me further was that even for the present day’s activities, a trip to a before unseen swimming hole, I knew he would already going to alter shirtlessness to definitely wearing at least a t-shirt because I would be in his presence. Disgusted, my next course of action was obvious.
“I think I’m going to hang back here, guys. Let you do some male bonding down at the water hole. As Jamie has just pointed out, I’ve had more than enough swimming experience to last me a life time.”
Jared opened his mouth to speak, as if he knew exactly where my sudden resistance had come from. I suspected he did, but I trudged on, determined to shut down any argument he might come up with.
“Besides, you know how to swim, right, Jared?” I asked, looking at him with wide eyes.
His eyes narrowed.
“Yeah…but-”
“So does Jamie.” I turned back to my brother who was now finally bordering on getting clued into my too cheery mood as questionably genuine. “You guys will be fine on your own. You don’t need me.”
Jared stared me down for a few extra seconds; so, I added in for good measure, “I’ve got a really bad headache anyway. I don’t think I can make the hike."
Somehow his eyebrows narrowed further, but a beat later they softened some in concern. Not wanting both boys on my back for whatever Jared might decide to say next, I ushered Jamie away from the table to get ready for his swim. Reluctantly, and warily, he went. When he was safely far enough away, Jared finally spoke. His voice was low and the closest to angry I’d heard since he’d threatened to kill me when we first met.
“What if something happens while we’re gone?” He asked.
I blinked, not expecting that question.
“To me?” I asked, suddenly understanding. I tried, and failed, to hide my surprise.
“Yeah,” he said bluntly. “Who’s going to protect you when I’m a mile away at the watering hold with Jamie?”
He took my hand and ran his thumb over the top. Under normal circumstances the action would’ve given me delicious shivers, but now his concern pissed me off. I ripped my hand away.
“I’m not an invalid,” I said, sliding around the booth to the other side so I could make a quick escape if need be.
“I know that,” he said, his eyes still narrowed dangerously and finding no humor in my sliding away from him. Just as well because I would’ve likely stomped on his foot if he so much as smiled right then.
“I’ve been taking care of myself for a long time; been taking care of Jamie too, in case you hadn’t noticed. Who knows if he would’ve been taken by now if I hadn’t worked so hard to keep him safe? I made sure he had a safe, dry place to sleep at night. I managed to get food and keep us out of sight and on the move so we could stay alive in this godforsaken world.”
“I know,” he said. His voice was level now in a way that should’ve been able to override my rising temper but somehow didn’t. I realized I was breathing harder. It took an effort but I forced myself to relax a little in the booth across from him. I was so close to bolting.
“It’s what impressed me most about you when we first met,” he continued. “How you were able to do all those things-”
“For someone of my age, you mean?” I burst before I could stop myself.
His brows furrowed.
“For someone of any age,” he said, sounding confused. I saw exactly when the light went on in his head because he shifted in his seat. “Wait, is that what’s really bothering you? Not a headache. You think I think less of you now that I know you’re only seventeen?”
Damn. Walked right into that one.
Irritated, I tried to find a way out of the situation before the little control I still maintained went completely out the window. I was too impulsive. This whole conversation probably proved to him just how very young (and likely immature) I was. It disgusted me. The ‘only’ in his query bothered me most.
“I saw your reaction to Jamie telling you how old I was,” I said, determined to be as honest as possible, while not letting too much of my flaming rage and piercing hurt come through. “I could feel you pulling yourself away. Whatever potentially high esteem you held me in before when you likely considered us equals isn’t how you see us now. You’ve put me in the kid category for the simple fact that I’m only not only under twenty, but legally speaking, a minor as well.”
He sank back into the booth, clearly torn with how to proceed. That told me oh so well how very right I was in my deductions.
He opened his mouth three times before finally getting some words out.
“I don’t think any less of you now than I did before. Your being seventeen doesn’t change that, Mel.”
I scoffed and glared at him. I hated how sincere he sounded.
“Melanie,” I emphasized. “You haven’t known me long enough to get away will calling me ‘Mel’.”
His jaw clenched, but he nodded brusquely.
“Alright. Melanie.”
Annoyed with the lingering silence and the fact that he actually was not going to try to win me over anymore, I finally slid out of the booth and stood up.
“I don’t want you ruining Jamie’s day by staying here just because you think I might get taken. I trust you with him and I need you to trust me to take care of myself. As long as I know my brother’s in safe hands that’s all I care about.”
I knew I’d look like a melodramatic drama queen by stomping off, so I walked as normally as possible. He didn’t say anything as I left and that made the pain finally truly take over. I was mad as hell but I was also heartbroken. I’d never come remotely close to falling in love before, never been kissed. And now, what could have been the great love of my life was over before it even began.
Back to Books by Author page
Back to Stephanie Meyers page
Back to The Host page
Back to When You Touch Me - main page
To chapter 2
Back to Stephanie Meyers page
Back to The Host page
Back to When You Touch Me - main page
To chapter 2